Humor at its Best – A Comprehensive Compilation of Trump Jokes (Part I)

This is a compilation of all Trump jokes – jokes from various sources – read on – it may turn out to be the funniest read of your life.

Humor at its Best - A Comprehensive Compilation of Trump Jokes (Part I)

This is a compilation of all Trump jokes – jokes from various sources – read on – it may turn out to be the funniest read of your life.

I have made an attempt to provide the readers with an all-inclusive collection of Trump jokes floating around since his campaigning days compiled from various sources. This is just the first part as jokes will continue to flow as long as Trump is around – maybe even after he’s gone.

And yes, another reason we are doing this in parts is, it will be too much for you all in one go – excessive laughter can be painful, you know!

The idea behind this is to give a comprehensive collection in a single read rather than website-hopping, if you will, to find them. It is, however, the readers’ prerogative to classify them as they please – good, in bad taste, offensive, profane, hilarious, racist, or whatever.

Here they are along with source and credits:

Donald Trump has canceled a planned trip to Israel. When asked why, Trump said, ‘They already have a wall and a fear of Muslims. My work there is done.’”—Conan O’Brien, Television talk show host, comedian, and writer…

“A new study claims the stress of being president takes three years off your life. So suddenly everyone is thinking of voting for Trump.”—Conan O’Brien, Television talk show host, comedian, and writer…

“Donald Trump is here tonight. Now I know that he’s taken some flak lately. But no one is happier—no one is prouder—to put this birth certificate matter to rest than The Donald. And that’s because he can finally get back to focusing on the issues that matter: Like, did we fake the moon landing? What really happened in Roswell? And where are Biggie and Tupac?”—Barack Obama, U.S. President

“Now Donald said he wants to run for President and move on into the White House. Why not? It wouldn’t be the first time he pushed a black family out of their home.”–Snoop Dogg, writer, singer, actor…

“Donald Trump has come out in favor of shutting down Planned Parenthood. However, experts say, if he really wants Planned Parenthood to go under he should turn it into a Trump property.”– Conan O”Brien, Television talk show host, comedian, and writer

“He was even forced into the ultimate act of degradation— starring in his own reality show. And soon the top-rated TV show in the nation starred a total asshole torturing people who were stupid enough to work with him.”–Seth McFarlane, writer, animator, T.V. producer…

“Say what you will about Trump, he is not stupid. He is a smart man with a deep understanding of what stupid people want.”―Andy Borowitz, American writer, comedian, satirist, actor…

“Americans have been mishearing The Donald: what he actually said is that he will make America grate again, after which many of them will migrate again.”―Michael R. Burch, poet, poetry editor, columnist, essayist…

A protester had to be escorted out of a Donald Trump rally last night for yelling, ‘Trump’s a racist.’ The protester was removed because the Trump campaign has that phrase copyrighted.”—Seth Meyers, talk-show host, screenwriter, actor, comedian…

“The Trump virus’s primary effect is twofold: First, it implants in its hosts the unshakable conviction that one of the most execrable clowns in the history of these United States is a hero who deserves to be elevated to the White House; then, having inculcated the conceit, it removes the faculties that are necessary for its removal.”—Charles Cooke, the editor of National Review Online, a co-host of the Mad Dogs and Englishmen podcast.

Donald Trump is giving narcissism a bad name.―Madeline Begun Kane
aka Mad Kane, humorist, political satirist…

Donald Trump likes to say he’s a friend to “the blacks.” Unless the Blacks are a family of white people, I’m guessing he’s mistaken.―Seth Meyers, talk-show host, screenwriter, actor, comedian…

What is Donald Trump telling Independents? Orange Is The New Black – Source: http://www.jokes4us.com/celebrityjokes/donaldtrumpjokes.html

“After he won yesterday’s Nevada caucus, Donald Trump said, ‘I love the poorly educated.’ Trump then said, ‘And when I’m president there’ll be more of them than ever.’” —Conan O’Brien, Television talk show host, comedian, and writer

“Donald, I’m not sure if you’re even aware of this, but the only difference between you and Michael Douglas from the movie, Wall Street, is that no one’s going to be sad when you get cancer.”—Anthony Jeselnik, comedian, producer, writer, actor…

“Teddy Roosevelt spoke softly and carried a big stick; Donald Trump speaks loudly and carries a big shtick.”―Michael R. Burch, poet, poetry editor, columnist, essayist…

“Donald Trump likes to sue people. He should sue whoever did that to his face.”—Marco Rubio, politician, attorney…

Why does The Donald take Zanax? For Hispanics attacks. Source: http://www.fullredneck.com/funny-donald-trump-jokes/

What’s the difference between God and Donald Trump? God doesn’t he’s Donald Trump. Source: http://www.fullredneck.com/funny-donald-trump-jokes/

“It’s safe to say everything Trump touches turns to gold. Especially the Miss Teen U.S.A. contestants he pees on.”—Seth McFarlane, writer, animator, T.V. producer…

“That’s what he’s best at. Putting a bow on a turd, marking up the price, and selling it so hard, you want it—even though you know it’s just a turd with a bow on it. America is that turd!”—Lewis Black, standup comedian, author, playwright, social critic…

Why is Donald Trump always seen with Melania? Because all his other wives support Hillary. Source:http://www.jokes4us.com/celebrityjokes/donaldtrumpjokes.html

“Tonight, we honor a self-made millionaire. He started with nothing, worked hard, and made a fortune. That man is Fred Trump, Donald’s dad.”–Seth McFarlane, writer, animator, T.V. producer…

“Despite Donald Trump’s tough stance on immigration, Trump Modeling Agency is being accused of hiring lower-paid foreign models. In his defense, Trump says those aren’t laborers, those are ‘future wives.’”—Conan O’Brien, Television talk show host, comedian, and writer…

“Donald Trump said yesterday that if he’s elected, he would ‘probably not talk as much.’ That’s right, if Donald Trump is elected, even HE will be speechless.”—Seth Meyers, talk-show host, screenwriter, actor, comedian…

“Hillary Clinton said she went to Donald Trump’s wedding but didn’t give him a gift. Trump said, ‘Just for that, you’re not coming to my next three weddings.’”—Conan O’Brien, Television talk show host, comedian, and writer

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